Rant... Churchy people sticking their noses in where they don't belong.

So, this guy from the church I used to attend called me up last weekend.  He cited some scripture about how, if you have an issue with your "brother" that you need to lay down your offering, and go be reconciled with him - and this was why he was calling me.  So I asked him, what is your issue?  He said that he didn't want to discuss it on the phone, and that he wouldn't meet with me alone, so he is going to bring someone, like his wife, and that I could bring someone too.  Ugh...

So I asked him, what is your issue?  I'm not going to meet you without knowing what the issue is.  He said that he had some issues with how I was behaving at the latest congregational meetings I had attended.

Then he cited another scripture, about how if you love your "brother" that you need to help "him" with his sin.  Again, UGH.  "Oh really?  I'm sinning?  Ok, how do you define this apparent sin you want to help me with?"  Again... he refers to the congregational meeting, where I read a short speech about oppression within our church.  I said, "Well, the way I see it, you don't like what I have to say, and you want to shut me up.  I'm not going to meet with you.  I wish you a good day.  Good bye."


It's just another symptom of the hypocrisy at that church.  I mean really...

Here is a wee bit more recent history...

A gal from church contacted me to let me know some things that had been happening at the church since she found out that one of the church leaders was secretly videotaping her in the shower at their shared workplace (among other things).  She and her husband were very angry and upset about that, and then they found out that the pastor KNEW that this particular leader was doing those things, for the last 5 years, and kept it quiet, and told that leader to keep it quiet also.  The gal is suing the pastor, and the church, and the leader who videotaped her.

So, the pastor didn't step down, the church didn't fire him... for a whole year this went on.  Like nothing happened.  They tried to keep the victims quiet, and wouldn't listen to them, and shut them out of things. The man who called me on the phone was one of the cronies who was trying to keep them quiet and was supporting the pastor.

Anyways, the gal called me up, and told me what was happening, and apologized for being so afraid to reach out to me when I was being ostricized.  I told her that I understood why, and that I would stand by her and her hubby as they pursued justice in this area, and that is why I was even attending the congregational meetings recently.  I haven't attended church in over a year.

So, this guy who called me, just basically proved yet again, how oppressive that environment really is.

I'm a trained counselor.  I was trained at a Bible college.  I am currently studying to be a social worker.  People in my field KNOW that you can't really address someone's apparent "bad" behaviour until you come to a place of understanding WHY that behaviour is there!  This apparent "sin" he wanted to help me with should have been at least secondary to apologizing to me for trying to shut me up during my speech about oppression at that particular congregational meeting.  He should have tried to take some time to get to know me, find out where I'm coming from, and then it maybe wouldn't seem to strange that I'd want to behave in such a way.  People aren't going to open up to that sort of confrontational standpoint.  Please...

Besides, his opinion of me and how I behave is completely irrelevant.  I've been a member of that church for much longer than he, and he started attending there just before I stopped - certainly that is a highly insufficient amount of time invested to have any kind of say in my life, or any kind of trust in him and his intentions.  I certainly would not do that to someone, and I won't let someone do that to me.  Period!

Spiritual Burn Out - Random Ramblings

I am burnt out.

It's not that I don't believe in God anymore, I'm just mostly burnt out by people and their churchy crappiness.

Now that I've been brushed off by them - I've mentioned it before - my life is much more relaxed and free.

I've been to a few congregational meetings lately, because there is a huge kerfuffle going on there as of late.  It hasn't gotten better.  It's much, much worse.

The church is being sued, the pastor is being sued, and in my opinion, they are being rightfully sued.

I guess I had hoped that being a Christian, going to church, following the doctrine, THAT would help my life work.  It kinda did in some ways.  But moreso, I think it trapped me, and held me hostage for much longer than necessary - in a bad marriage, and in the church itself.  My boyfriend calls it "misplaced optimism".  Indeed...

I'm not in a rantie mood today.  I'm just burnt.  I got rid of a bunch of Christian based books.  I got rid of some spiritually based ornaments.  I'm just really "meh" about it all, and thoroughly uninspired.

Being a Christian did not make my marriage better (obviously) and it created alot of problems I didn't need.

I'm opting out now.  Well, I opted out a while back, but I still had an inkling of hope, and a wee bit of lingering guilt.  But this latest situation

I'm not worried about my bible reading regimen, or my prayer regimen.  I think that if God is real, then He gets my ambivalence.

And what's really, kind of annoying, is that the person I was married to, who opposed my Christianity vehemently, is now doing that Christian "thang".  Oi Vey... so weird.  The funny thing is that I haven't seen it make a difference in how he relates to me... ah well.  As the bible says, "A tree is known by it's fruit..."  And one could apply that to that church I used to go to... indeed.

As Jewel says - "No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from."

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

It's easy to get worked up when your plate is full.

I've got so many things on the go, I've had to let some things go because I'm just one person.

Look at me, I can't even write a real paragraph.  I guess my University Student brain is also on holiday...lol

The first "chapter" of this book (can it really be called a chapter?  It's 4 pages long! lol) is about setting a positive emotional climate.  Making sure that everyone has a chance for together time, and respecting individual's needs to have alone time.  Limiting chaos and noise levels at certain times.  Makes perfect sense to me.

Even the title of the book lends itself to that positivity.  When we get caught up in all the chaos, and stress out over it, we spend a lot of energy on that, rather than the things we love - like family or music and other creative ventures.

Speaking of which, I really need to finish my painting!  I need to add a song to the staff, and some strings on the guitar (and a few other minor details).  My wonderful boyfriend plays guitar, and I play piano.  We both sing.  So this is kind of a representation of us.  :)

Empowerment and "Redemption Songs"

Solomon (1976) defined empowerment as “a process whereby the social worker engages in a set of activities with the client or client system that aim to reduce the powerlessness that has been created by negative valuations based on membership in a stigmatized group”

This is a quote from my notes from class.  Empowerment is a pretty important issue as a single mom.  Empowerment, or lack therof, is a huge reason I am no longer married.  

Empowerment doesn't mean that you use power over or against someone.  It just means that you no longer allow others to impose their power over you or against you.  It allows you to place value upon yourself, and/or replace value that others have taken away from you.  

May you find newfound empowerment in your life.  It's good for your emotional and mental health.

"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds"  Thank you Bob Marley and Lauren Hill for the reminder.  Music that healeth the soul.  :)  Give it a listen...  

Cheers

Bambi

What is Feminism?

Thank you Ms. Rebecca.  You are the voice of wisdom - and common sense, which is not very common these days...

A Life Uncommon

This is dedicated to all of my single mom friends out there, known and unknown.  

There are many things that oppress us, as women, as mothers, as ex wives and ex girlfriends... 

Regardless of what you are facing, keep in mind what your ultimate goal is.  

At the end of the day, do you have a good relationship with your kids?  Can you look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day?  Are there people who love you?  Are there people in your life who LET you love them?  Are you living an authentic life, being true to yourself?  

If you answered yes to the above questions, then you are truly blessed.  

These are things that all the money in the world cannot buy.  Don't let anyone hold anything over your head, because at the end of the day, when this life is over, he may be laid to rest in a golden coffin, and you, in a pine box.  But only God knows the heart, and money cannot buy a good heart.  

Hang in there, my girls.  Listen to this song, and be encouraged.

Love, Bambi.

Kid time with Dad

Oh my...

I'm so very frustrated with people.

Y'know, anytime I've wanted to interfere with my ex's time with our kids, I've always tried to make alternative arrangements, so that he doesn't lose what little time he has. I may not get along well with the man, but regardless, even if someone is a shitty dad, that's STILL better than NO dad. I believe that because I don't have a dad in my life (his choice). I know how that has impacted me. I don't want that for my kids.

In fact, over spring break, I offered him to have the kids for some extra days. He didn't take me up on that, but whatever, I at least offered it.

I wish that was the same for everyone. I wish more people cared about that.

I want to explain the scenario that is happening right now with a certain person that I know but it's not my story to tell. The basic jist is that he only gets to see his kids every second weekend, like many other dads out there. But his ex, and even his own mother, or his ex-in laws, have no problem with cutting into HIS limited time with HIS children to have their time with them. They make arrangements with their mother, and NEVER ask HIM if it's ok to steal HIS time away.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times... children NEED their parents. If they aren't hitting them, or sexually abusing them, or neglecting them, then set all your other bullshit aside and make this a priority! Everything else is secondary! Grandparents are secondary, aunts and uncles are secondary. Gawd, do you fucking people have no fucking clue? Seriously! Get it through your fucking thick, ugly skulls!

A child's time with their father is sacred, quit fucking with it you fucking morons...

And I will continue to practice what I preach...

That is all...