Spiritual Burn Out - Random Ramblings

I am burnt out.

It's not that I don't believe in God anymore, I'm just mostly burnt out by people and their churchy crappiness.

Now that I've been brushed off by them - I've mentioned it before - my life is much more relaxed and free.

I've been to a few congregational meetings lately, because there is a huge kerfuffle going on there as of late.  It hasn't gotten better.  It's much, much worse.

The church is being sued, the pastor is being sued, and in my opinion, they are being rightfully sued.

I guess I had hoped that being a Christian, going to church, following the doctrine, THAT would help my life work.  It kinda did in some ways.  But moreso, I think it trapped me, and held me hostage for much longer than necessary - in a bad marriage, and in the church itself.  My boyfriend calls it "misplaced optimism".  Indeed...

I'm not in a rantie mood today.  I'm just burnt.  I got rid of a bunch of Christian based books.  I got rid of some spiritually based ornaments.  I'm just really "meh" about it all, and thoroughly uninspired.

Being a Christian did not make my marriage better (obviously) and it created alot of problems I didn't need.

I'm opting out now.  Well, I opted out a while back, but I still had an inkling of hope, and a wee bit of lingering guilt.  But this latest situation

I'm not worried about my bible reading regimen, or my prayer regimen.  I think that if God is real, then He gets my ambivalence.

And what's really, kind of annoying, is that the person I was married to, who opposed my Christianity vehemently, is now doing that Christian "thang".  Oi Vey... so weird.  The funny thing is that I haven't seen it make a difference in how he relates to me... ah well.  As the bible says, "A tree is known by it's fruit..."  And one could apply that to that church I used to go to... indeed.

As Jewel says - "No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from."