Blowing it in marriage - From "Single Dad Laughing"

16 Ways I Blew My Marriage

The Other 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage


The links above will take you to some great marital advice.  And even though it's a guy writing it, I think it's great advice for both genders.  There's always more I could be doing in my relationship to make it better, and yet I feel good reading some of the things this guy wishes he would have done, and I'm doing some of them.  I see my beloved doing some of them too.  For example, he always holds my hand.  Numero uno.

There's so much I could say, and maybe I will at some point.  But sufficed to say that as a wife in these scenarios, I experienced nearly every single negative thing that this guy mentioned!  But in as much as I felt sad being reminded of all those painful things, I was immediately cheered by the humorous "bonus" comments after each point.

It's really great advice.  Well worth the read.  :D

Here comes the bride!.... again

So, in my meanderings online I stumbled upon some info that led me to believe that my ex is about to get remarried.  Then I dropped one of my children off at his girlfriend's house, and saw that her house had a sold sign on it.  So, I asked my son the other day, "So... when's the wedding?"  He replied, "April 6th".

I'd be lying if I said that I felt nothing about that.

But it didn't take long at all to remind myself how good I have it now.  I have a great man who loves me fiercely, treats me like a queen, values my opinion, and lets me love him back.  My kids love him, his kids love me...it's a fulfillment of everything I could hope for in a relationship.


But, in my own way, I still need to process things before I can completely let them go.  So here are the niggling residual issues:

- It seems that he actually WANTS to marry her.  I don't recall feeling that from him.
- He built a deck at her house, but never wanted to do that kind of thing for me.
- Where we used to live, it was a half hour drive for him to get to work.  He complained about it constantly, and tried to convince me to move to the city.  Now, he will be living an HOUR away from work, but apparently that's all cool.
- She's a nice, Menno-Christian, and he's all over that fact.  He checks in with the kids to see if I'm going to church, if I'm praying at mealtime, etc.  Excuse me?  I went to a Menno church for 8 years before I left him, and he didn't want ANY part of that.  Now, it seems he thinks he's better than me, because now he is doing this Menno Christain thing.  Please.  Again, he wouldn't do it for me, but he'll do that for her?
- And they are going on a honeymoon.  That really burns me, to be honest.  *sigh*  I was never good enough in his eyes for that.


I was talking a bit to my beloved about this sort of thing.  And he had some very wise words to say about it.  He said sometimes when a person is accustomed to relating in a certain way to a particular person, it's difficult to break that pattern.  And when they try, their partner doesn't trust that it's a permanent change.  I think he nailed it.  My ex has acknowledged that he didn't know why he treated everyone else really well, but then was so awful to me.  He would have moments where he would try to be nicer.  But after experiencing that cycle, I could never relax and trust that he was going to actually be nice to me in a lasting way, and he would always prove me right.  I'm sure that his attempts to be nice probably felt like they were all for naught, since I wasn't hugely receptive to it after several repeats of the cycle.  (Can you blame me?)  My beloved said that rather than try anymore, it's often easier to start something new with someone else, where you don't have that history.  Yeah... that's true.

I remember I went out to Kareoke with my friend Brenda, and she brought along another friend also.  THAT friend works with my ex.  We had a great night, lots of fun, and on the way home she says to me, "Kyle* is SUCH a nice guy.  I really don't understand why you left him."  I smiled at her and said, "I know he is.  In fact, he once told me that he didn't understand why he was SO nice to everyone else except me.  And that is all I'm going to say about that, because you like him and you have to work with him."

The fact is that this gal that my ex is marrying is a great person.  I have nothing bad at all to say about her.  My kids really like her, and she is good to them.  My ex is apparently nicer since being with her, and ALOT nicer when she is present, than when she is not. I don't know what that means exactly, but it makes life more pleasant all around now that he's with her.  I do not wish her any ill will at all.  In fact, my kids tell me that she and I have a lot in common, and that under different circumstances, she would be the kind of person I would be friends with.  Well, I do hope and pray that my ex has learned a few things from OUR experiences and will do better, and be better with her, and to her.  I wouldn't wish for anyone to experience him the way I have (and still do sometimes).

And when I step back and look at the bigger picture, I'm extremely happy and eternally grateful for everything that I have in my life now.  Most of all?  Peace.  Oh sure, life has its stressors, and it gets a bit chaotic sometimes, but I have deep peace inside.  I have a great relationship with a wonderful man, and a great relationship with all of our kids.  We recently moved to a place in the country, which is what we've both always dreamed of.  What more can a girl ask for?

I wish them well, and I'm glad that the divorce process is over and we can both move on.  It's high time.  Good luck, dear ex husband, and God bless.

*Name changed to protect identity

Countertop Taters!

I saw this photo on "Grow Food, Not Lawns" on Facebook and decided to try it!

Now, I'm trying to get into the habit of not only being frugal, but to reuse and recycle everything that I can.  You can purchase Gro-Sacks here and they aren't expensive.  However, I was pretty sure that I could recreate a growing bag of my own.



A simple Superstore shopping bag should do the trick!  I realize that the materials are likely different than an authentic Gro-Sack, and I expect this bag to rot away eventually.  But it was only 99 cents, and I already had it on hand.  It will be enough to contain everything for the meantime.  If I run into a problem with it, I will troubleshoot that when I get there!  :)



I found a plastic container to put the bag in.  This will help me to keep the water contained, and if the bag rots and breaks, at least everything is contained in here.  This makes it easy to move if I need to.



I had a few spongy, wrinkly potatoes that no one really wanted to cook and eat, so I cut them into pieces, ensuring that there was at least one eye on each piece.  Then I planted them into the soil.



I put the hillbilly gro-sack in front of the window next to our aquaponic tank.

And now we wait.... lol

Starter Aquaponics

So my beloved had this 20 gallon tank kicking around.  So he rigged it up so that the water from the pump would flow into the floating tray, and then down the tube on the right hand side.



He glued two seedling trays together, and then McGyver'd a toilet flush mechanism so that the water would flow out of the tray nicely.

At first he used heavy wire to hold the tray up, but the wire wasn't heavy enough, so we glued three layers of styrofoam onto the bottom of the tray.  That seems to work ok.  He also added an extra piece on the spout of the pump so that the water would flow into the tray.




Then I got busy and used some peat pots with regular potting soil to plant some seeds.  In the spirit of reusing what we already have, I was able to plant some red peppers, grapefruits, zucchini, and pears from seeds of things we had already eaten. My honey had some tomato and radish seeds kicking around, so I planted some of those as well.  I'm also regrowing green onions and celery on the side there.  It's coming along nicely.  It's really suprising how often you can cut down the onions.  They grow back so fast!

Next up - we gotta get a few fish.  We'll likely just get some feeder goldfish to go in the water below.  :)

Growing food...

One thing I love about the internet is that there are SO many people sharing ideas in every possible topic.  This includes growing food.

I love to think outside of the box, and if you get bunches of people thinking outside of the box, you can get quite a conglomerate of ideas to glean from.

For example, look at this bamboo growing trellis.  I guess it's not a real trellis, as trellises go.  And what if you took nice large pieces of bamboo like this, hanging one from the other, and hanging them in front of your big picture window?  You get lettuce all winter!  Or whatever else that can be grown in a long skinny tube.  Ah yes the wheels are turning...




And what is this?  Rows of Jelly Bellies?  Nope... it's Gem Corn.  I don't know how good it is to eat, but if it's tasty, then that would certainly make it FUN to eat.  If not, perhaps it could be decorative.  Either way, tons of colorful coolness.



Holy Shitake!  Mushrooms growing on logs.  We have tons of logs here... must set this up!  Can't wait for winter to end!  lol

Also, there are TONS of wild mushrooms that grow on our homestead.  Edible mushrooms.  *drool*


Aquaponics.  Growing food and fish.  This is a small countertop version, and so it's not an edible fish.  But this little fish still provides valuable nutrition to the plants above.  We currently have a tank set up on the kitchen counter in front of the window.  It's almost ready for plants and fish.  Gold fish.  For now... Our plan is to build a bigger system where we not only grow food plants, but also fish to eat.  Mmmmmm


Chickens!  Eggs!  This is an example of how we want to set up our garden and chicken system.  And we want a variety of chickens so we can have a variety of colored eggs, brown, white, green and blue.  :D



Recycled plastic bottles.  Now this is a very interesting idea for a green house.  I do believe that the bottles would have a somewhat insulating factor.


What a handy dandy basket.  Even if you didn't make it yourself, this concept could be used when picking out a basket to use in this way.  Maybe something from the dollar store?



This will be my kitchen this fall.  I have some jars, but I plan to get more at second hand stores.  :D



I've started collecting compostable materials.  I've been mixing them with the ashes from the woodstove and putting them into a galvanized steel garbage can (for fire safety).  When the can is full, I'll try to pick out a spot where I'd like to keep compostables when the snow melts and dump it out there.  I do like this idea though, tumbling compost.  Nice! 



Hmmm, Look at THIS aquaponics set up!  So many great ideas...



I've been reading up on how to store food over the winter.  Some people still have fresh veggies into May.



I have a collection of antique windows.  This is "ok" but I think one could be much more creative with gorgeous antique windows and doors in making a green house.  Just saying.  :)




Now, THAT is more like it!  :D


Ok, we have tons of logs around here... I wonder if this idea would work in pine trees?



Mushroom laundry baskets.  Interesting!



More aquaponics.  Love this idea.



So many ideas, so little time.  *sigh*

Ah well, on with my day.  Have a good one!

Jesus and beer. Can you picture it?

I've been having a debate on Facebook about the idea of Jesus going to a bar and sharing a brewsky with the locals. I seemed to have touched a nerve! Lol

Here are some of the comments:

Person 1: I do not believe Jesus would be drinking a brewsky in the bar however I do believe he would be getting to know the locals in the bar for sure....also let us not judge our pastors or leaders without judging ourselves first.

I replied: I remember that he was enjoying wine at a wedding with his friends in the bible, so I disagree, I do think that in today's context, he would enjoy a good quality beer with the locals. :)

Person 1: Ok Bambi that is your opinion and belief and that is fine with me. I choose to put emphasis on Jesus being a lover of people and enjoying spending time getting to know them that is all.

Person 2: one way to look at this , is that, image can be a very powerful thing, what you see affects your mind weather you like it or not, and also even if you try to ignore it, it will always be on your mind as a human, and Jehovah also said to keep a clean mind, for you cannot praise God with a unclean mind, keep your body clean not just spiritually but also physically.
Jesus would never enter any bar, instead he would wait outside and do his preaching.

I replied: John 2:1-11. He was at the wedding.

Person 2: Bambi what are you really trying to say here? because drinking a beer at a Wedding is a completely different situation as to drinking a beer in a bar, these are two different mind concept.
And John 2:1-11 was the wedding ritual that was perform, everyone had to do it.

I replied: What I'm saying us that Jesus went where people went. He went to synagogue, to weddings, to dinner at people's houses. In the context of THIS century, he would likely be seen with people at the mall, at a resturaunt or bar, and maybe even a church. While with people, he ate with them and drank with them. I doubt he would be drunk and unruly, but I do believe that he would enjoy fellowship with people in all kinds of contexts, and in some cases he would have a beer or wine.

Back in the day, he wasn't supposed to speak to Samaritans, and we have the story of the woman at the well. He wasn't supposed to touch lepers lest he become unclean, yet he did that too. He let a woman bathe his feet in tears - shameful! He did things that removed barriers and brought people closer to him so that people could experience HIM.

So, what I'm saying is that I have no problem imagining Jesus in a bar with people, enjoying fellowship with them, and probably enjoying a beer or something like that. The Pharisees of his day frowned upon him then for the things he did and I'm sure there would be lots of legalistic religious leaders who would do likewise now.

In fact, I went to a bar in a town where I used to live. I was there with another Christian friend. We went to support some mutual friends who were playing in a band that night. While there, there were two regulars there, drunk on their asses who came and sat with us. Rather than snub them, we welcomed them. We both understood that we were Jesus to them in that moment. Since we were open, these guys poured out their hearts to us. So much pain in these men's lives, and we knew that's why they were always drunk.

I invited them to come to church. One took the offer. He didn't think he would be accepted. I told him that when Jesus walked the earth, he spent time with all kinds of people and if he were here right now, he would have no problem sitting here having a beer with you, that's how important YOU are to HIM.

The man had tears in his eyes at that point. But he had another problem. He lost his license because of DUI. So I offered him a ride.

Now, even though I got all manner of criticism, because I was married and female and I met the guy at the bar, I still did it. I brought a hurting man to church, because for HIM, I was the right person (open) in the right place (in a bar having a beer) at the right time.

My friend and I both felt it was a divine appointment.

Person 2: k

Person 2, you just got owned. Booyah! I hope he keeps this in mind for future reference. :)

Home Made Lemon Cleaner

Click Here For Recipe for HomeMade Lemon Cleaner



I found this recipe online and I thought I'd share it.

One Lemon makes about 4 tablespoons of juice.  You have to strain it before putting it into the spray bottle so your nozzel doesn't get clogged.

So, I've been using this recipe for the last few days, and I like it.  :)

So then I ran out of cleaning liquid in my Swiffer Wet Jet.  So I decided to make some more of this Lemon cleaning spray to use in the Swiffer.  I've used my own cleaning solutions before, usually vinegar and water, but I find that the solution beads on the floor, and it just didn't have the consistency that I was looking for.  So with this batch, I chose the lemon spray recipe with a twist.  First of all, I doubled the recipe because one lemon makes about 4 tablespoons of juice, and the recipe calls for 2 tablespoons.  Secondly, I used hot tap water so that the borax and washing soda would dissolve well and not clog the spray nozzel.  Thirdly, I added a couple of pumps of hand soap to just add a wee bit of soapiness to the solution.  (I saw this tip on an episode of "How Clean Is Your House?").  Fourthly, I added a few drops of LIME essential oil, which gave it a bright clean scent.

This solution has the consistency that I was looking for, and it smelled awesome as well.  Success!  :D

I share this because it's super cheap to  make!  Plus, it's not damaging to the environment, or to our children and pets.