...And Marries Another - Book Review

This is a book I chose to read for the Marriage and Family class I took in Bible College.  I am on the fence, not so much undecided, but more like I could go either way with either getting married again one day, or cohabitating with someone I love.  Either one would need to involve some preliminary discussions, regardless.

That being said, the number one reason I read THIS book in particular, was because after my ex moved out, I was told by the pastor of my church that he and his wife were there for me, and I could call anytime.  So this one time I called, and after venting about a current thing that happened, he interrupted me to announce that if I decided to move on with my life with someone new, he would not be able to perform a wedding for me.  He did not back this up biblically with me, nor did he explain why he had these certain convictions.  It was like a door slamming in my face.  A few years later, he admitted that he DID marry other previously divorced people, and the only reason he told ME that was because he thought I had some problems relating to people, and he was trying to open a discussion with me that day about all of my problems with that.  I told him that he should have just said that, rather than speaking in riddles and that maybe HE was the one who had problems relating to people.  I finally told him last spring after four years of discussions with him) that he is off the hook, I am not going to even try to reconcile with him anymore, because he has demonstrated to me that he really is not my friend.

But it was because of this area, that I wanted to study this book, just for my own little piece of biblical justification against a closed minded pastor who speaks in riddles.

…And Marries Another

Divorce and Remarriage in the Teachings of the New Testament

Divorce.  It’s not a topic that people want to look at or think about when they are contemplating finding a mate, settling down and starting a family.  Yet, one ought to take into consideration that divorce happens, and it happens quite a lot.  So, it’s probably not a bad idea to make plans for how you’re going to build up your marriage to the best of your ability in order to prevent such a tragedy from happening.  But – what if it happens anyway?  What if your best laid plans are shattered to pieces and the marriage fails?  What then?  Are you destined to be alone from now on?  Are you forbidden to actively participate in ministry because of this terrible sin?  Certainly there are churches out there that promote this line of thinking.  But what does the Bible really say about all of that?  Where DOES one go from here, after the house of cards has fallen down?  Craig Keener, a well respected bible scholar, tackles these questions in his book …And Marries Another.

The first thing he is quick to point out is why he embarked on this journey of researching the topic.  “Many loving and compassionate people have been wounded by spouses they trusted, only to be wounded again by fellow-Christians who did not know what to do with them” (vii).  This exact thing has been a very difficult issue for me to get over in my personal situation.  I can see that part of the reason why some of my fellow-Christians continue to behave in ways that annoy or just plain hurt me – it’s because they haven’t been taught (by experience or otherwise) what divorce is really about.  All they know are a few “prooftexts” which appear to approve of their stance about divorce.  But this leaves a divorcing person even more wounded than before.  Keener sees the necessity of digging deeper into the biblical texts, the majority of them in their most original form, and interpreting it according to the context and culture in which these wisdom sayings were being proliferated to. 

I’ve been doing some thinking about attending a different church and/or denomination.  I’ve not done this yet, because I want to reconcile with my church family.  There are still a few difficulties there and that makes it hard to attend.  Keener cites several examples of how divorced people have “wisely” sought fellowship in other denominations.  It might be wise to consider other options in hopes of finding a safer place to worship.  I am not sure, but felt it was worth mentioning.

Keener mentions the Matthew 5 passages about divorce and remarriage.  He says “these teachings are not primarily rules to be enforced by the church.  They function especially as an end-time summons to repentance and as a call to live a lifestyle that opposes anger, lust, divorce, falsehood and so on” (24).  He also cites that “this passage clearly permits the innocent party in a divorce to remarry” (33).  Keener does touch on “psychological abuse” briefly, but I would have liked to know more biblical background for that reason for divorce.  I feel because of what I’d term as emotional and verbal abuse, that I am an “innocent party” in that had that not been going on, I would have NEVER chosen this path for my life.  So I chose to read Keeners book with that definition in mind when I read “innocent party”. 

It’s not so much that I need to find scripture to agree with me, though it is nice when it happens.  But I wanted to have a more in depth look at what the bible says about these passages.  I have felt the need to be armed with the Word in these areas for when Christians want to have a “conversation” with me about it.  I want to be ready to give an answer.  And I am open to remarriage at some point, but I know that I still have some ground to cover before that happens for me.  Part of that is having a good working knowledge of biblical texts regarding this topic to help me lay a good foundation for my future, based on God’s truth and my interaction with Him in regards to that, rather than allowing other people and denominations put me into bondage while devaluing me with their misinterpretations of these texts.