Submission to Husband, Abuse, and the Bible

For fun, and for curiosity, or maybe it's boredom, I was surfing around this blogging site here, just to see what all is available to me.  I found "Traffic sources".  There I learned how people found my blog, and at the bottom, it showed the specific key words that were used this week: submission to husband, abuse and bible.  So, I am sharing this with the person who did that search and found me.

You are the reason that I went to Bible college, after getting separated from my husband.  My church rejected me, didn't know what to do with me, and certainly weren't there for me when my marriage fell apart.  Simply because I was the one to make the decision to end the marriage.  Well, I didn't actually choose to end the marriage, I chose to separate, in the hopes that he would come around.  He didn't.  So THEN I accepted that and ended it, 2 years after.  His abusive manner got worse after we separated, so that helped me know that I made the right decision.  And although I left for what I would term as "emotional abuse" I later found out that he had been hitting our son too.  I also realize now (because of my education), that violence comes in many forms, and emotional abuse IS a form of violence.

But when you're all solidified in your faith, and because of this you are solidified into your marriage vows, how do you separate that out?  It's hard, it really is, especially when you don't have anyone around you to assure you that you're not a complete sinner for wanting to leave your husband.  I stayed WAY too long with my husband, simply because I didn't have anything "concrete" to make it "OK" to leave him, things like bruising from hitting, or an extramarital affair, or evidence of him sexually abusing the kids.  He didn't do any of that (as far as I knew at the time, I found out later about him hitting our son).  I was praised for hanging in there, and enduring the heavy cross laid upon my back.

I think those people at church were dead wrong.  It's easy to look back and see what I could have done instead, and wish I had done some things differently.  But that is a waste of time.  You can't change the past.  But how does one do what's right for your specific situation, yet remain true to what you believe in the bible?  How do you keep a hold of God when everything else is falling apart around you?

First of all, you need to remember that Jesus is not intimidated by Satan's finest work.  There is nothing new under the sun, He's seen it all.  Think about that, He has seen it all.  No one at your church has seen it all when it comes to what happens behind closed doors at your house.  No one at church can see all the things you've tried to do to honour your husband and family and most of all, God.  God has seen it.  He knows.  He also knows how much denial you've been living in... denial is living a lie, pretending things are ok when they aren't.  I don't think that honours God.  But I also know that to stop living in denial, well that makes a LOT of people uncomfortable.  But think about that... if people are more comfortable with you experiencing abuse, than to stand up against it, those people are not your friends, and they are also not honouring God.  (Just like those pious priests who left the bleeding man on the side of the road).  And while we are on the topic of the Good Samaritan, keep in mind that if and when you do leave, and if your church friends and or family desert you, you may find support from people you wouldn't expect.  Remember that God knows everything, and Has your situation in mind and knows who to send your way.  You can often find the fingerprints of God on people and on situations that will surprise you: (Divorce lawyers, judges, and other seemingly "secular" individuals).  Remember it's all created by Him anyways, and you trust HIM, right?  Remember that living inside the rigid boxes of church doctrine is what has kept you in an unsafe situation for too long already.  Let God lead you to new things.

I am going to post a few more things after I am done this blog.  These are things that have helped me along the way.  You can access alot of it on the internet (if you are afraid of having it around the house).

I hope this has found it's way to you, and to anyone else who is having a similar struggle.  Please feel free to comment or contact me.  And know that you're never alone.  *hugs*