Dear Ex-Husband,
*Content removed of my own free will, and not ordered by a judge, cuz the judge said that NO JUDGE would order me to do such a thing, because I never mentioned my ex-husbands name or my children's names on my blog.
This blog is about being honest and real about life and the circumstances it brings. What is shared here is not always pretty, but it is genuine. I may use some curse words and I may speak “Christian” just to warn y'all. Life sure isn't perfect. It's pretty damn messy. Yet, in the midst of that mess, there is life, hopes, dreams, love, friends and COFFEE! So, grab a cup of java and settle in, we are gonna hang out together for a bit.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Abuse
I had thought that even though things have never been good with the Ex, I should still try to be nice. I was going to opt out of the maintenance enforcement program, since he is fairly regular with payments. But he also threatenes to reneg when I spend money in a way that he doesn't approve of (he never approves). Anyways, last night I found out that he is hitting our son. Punched him in the leg, gave him a Charlie Horse. FUCK.
I'm not doing that abusive asshole ANY favors. I am going to look into having him charged for this. No more hoping that the abuse is over, it will NEVER be over without him going into some intensive therapy. He obviously does NOT have the wherewithal to choose to stop.
Plus I have to see him today, in court. The fun never ends... And the kids are supposed to see him this weekend. I am worried that he will allow whatever happens in court to bother him enough to be a jerk this weekend.
I'm not doing that abusive asshole ANY favors. I am going to look into having him charged for this. No more hoping that the abuse is over, it will NEVER be over without him going into some intensive therapy. He obviously does NOT have the wherewithal to choose to stop.
Plus I have to see him today, in court. The fun never ends... And the kids are supposed to see him this weekend. I am worried that he will allow whatever happens in court to bother him enough to be a jerk this weekend.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Dear Ex Husband
Dear Ex Husband...
*Content removed in the interest of accommodating my ex-husband's hurt feelings over finding my blog.
*Content removed in the interest of accommodating my ex-husband's hurt feelings over finding my blog.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Snow again
In like a lion, and out like a lamb.. right?
It's very lion-esque out there tonight. I had an evening class tonight, and when I was done, all hell was breaking loose with the weather. I tried to drive home, which is a half hour down country hiways, but the weather is too severe. It rained, then that turned to snow. Winds up to 80km/hr. So everything is covered in ice and snow, especially the roads. And it's snowing like crazy, and the wind is blowing it around so hard. It's insane.
At one point, I was looking at the side of the hiway to see where the edge was so I didn't go in the ditch. I was going less than 5km/hr. Insane. I saw SO many cars in the ditch. I was glad to get back to S-town. Yes indeed.
So, not wanting to bother anyone, and liking to have my own space, I tried to get a hotel room. They are all FULL. So.. I imposed. I stopped in at the girls dorm at school and asked if there was somewhere I could bunk for the night.
SO here I am.
I have a class at 9am (yes on a saturday) so now I"m nice and close. I won't miss the class because of the weather.
And hopefully, by 4pm, when the class is over, the storm will also be over, and the plows and sand/salt trucks will have been out and I can drive safely home. That will be nice.
My poor dog... lol Ah well, she is warm and safe. lol
G'night y'all!
It's very lion-esque out there tonight. I had an evening class tonight, and when I was done, all hell was breaking loose with the weather. I tried to drive home, which is a half hour down country hiways, but the weather is too severe. It rained, then that turned to snow. Winds up to 80km/hr. So everything is covered in ice and snow, especially the roads. And it's snowing like crazy, and the wind is blowing it around so hard. It's insane.
At one point, I was looking at the side of the hiway to see where the edge was so I didn't go in the ditch. I was going less than 5km/hr. Insane. I saw SO many cars in the ditch. I was glad to get back to S-town. Yes indeed.
So, not wanting to bother anyone, and liking to have my own space, I tried to get a hotel room. They are all FULL. So.. I imposed. I stopped in at the girls dorm at school and asked if there was somewhere I could bunk for the night.
SO here I am.
I have a class at 9am (yes on a saturday) so now I"m nice and close. I won't miss the class because of the weather.
And hopefully, by 4pm, when the class is over, the storm will also be over, and the plows and sand/salt trucks will have been out and I can drive safely home. That will be nice.
My poor dog... lol Ah well, she is warm and safe. lol
G'night y'all!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Dear Ex-Husband
Hey there, fans of mine (I know there's at least a couple! haha). There are things that come up and I have no place to put them. I can't say it on facebook where other people can see... that is, my children, predominantly, but I have been quite selective about keeping them OFF of here so that I have a place to talk about single mom stuff... So I was driving home from a class tonight, thinking about all the things I'd like to say to my ex husband, the father of my children that he either can't or won't hear, and if I were to say them to him, it would just create more animosity I think. I've pretty much given up on the idea of that... so I've decided to vent them here.
Dear Ex Husband,
*Content removed in the interest of keeping the peace.
____________________________________________________
And this has been another episode of "Adventures of a Single Mom" LOL
Dear Ex Husband,
*Content removed in the interest of keeping the peace.
____________________________________________________
And this has been another episode of "Adventures of a Single Mom" LOL
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Standing in Faith
I've noticed that a few people have unfriended me on facebook. These particular people happen to be students at the Bible College I attend. It doesn't bother me that they did, but I do wonder why.
Perhaps they were just cleaning out the clutter and I was just an aquaintance and therefore, expendable. Nothing wrong with that. But I know that I am one of those unconventional christians. You will hear a curse word escape from my lips under certain circumstances, I have friends who come from backgrounds that are "other" than Christian or Mennonite. We chat about lots of topics, many of which would be considered taboo in the Christian society that I abide in on a regular basis at school and at church. (Did I mention that I'm also divorced, and have one child out of wedlock? lol)
I would never claim to have everything all worked out when it comes to relationships with people or my relationship with God, but y'know, I feel quite grounded, tyvm. I have the ability to converse and relate to many different kinds of people, from many different walks of life. A mental illness, being a person of homosexual orientation, being divorced (however many times), whatever the culture, race, religion - I don't care about all that. Are you a person, whom I believe is created in the image of the God I serve - YES. Therefore, I shall treat you with the dignity that I feel every image bearer deserves, regardless.
So yes, you will see me out dancing at clubs with my friends. You will see me have a glass of wine with dinner. I will make crass jokes now and then, and I will kiss my boyfriend (even though I don't have a legal document stating I'm divorced). Crossing all your T's and dotting all your I's won't guarantee you a spot at the Lord's table. He's gonna ask you, "Where were you when I was struggling with my sexual identity?" and you will say "Lord, when were YOU of all people, struggling with your sexual identity?" And He will reply, "Surely I say to you, when that gay man needed a friend to talk to, that was ME. For that which you have done to the least of these, surely you have done it to Me." Do you think the Lord is gonna tolerate your excuses about how the bible says that homosexuality is an abombination? Surely a lack of love is a much greater abombination. (You could replace sexual identity with any of the other above mentioned things...)
To those of you who are Christians, and you wonder about me and why, as a Christian, I do the things I do. Here's why. Because Jesus did the same thing. That's not the sole reason, but it's an important one. If anything, being more out there in the world has given me a greater love for it. There are too many Christians that have a distain for the world, because they are scared - scared of being tainted by it. Um, hello, "For God so loved the World..." John 3:16. As a result, many people whose lives I've touched have gotten a taste of Jesus. It happened when a friend and her husband were splitting up. She had the POD out front and I was there to help her load it up. Her hubby came by, and we chatted, the 3 of us. They decided to stay together and work some things out. That's Jesus. I have some single mom friends who have had to go through some serious crap, and I am one of the friends they can go to in confidentiality, to share those burdens. That's Jesus. One of my friends felt safe to share with me that she has a mood disorder. I work at MDAM, so she knows I get it. That's like Jesus, He gets it! I could list SO many more things.
But you know what? It's pretty cool but being "out there" in the world, having friendships with all kinds of different people, it really hasn't thwarted my faith in God at all. In fact, it's strengthened. And I am not afraid of losing my Christianity by being out there either. "Let them be won over without words." I don't preach. I live. I walk. I listen. I'm open. Divine moments happen. It proves to me more and more that this is where I'm meant to be.
So, if you or your faith is bothered by anything you may see me doing or saying (here on facebook or anywhere else), one thing you could do is ask me about it. Or you could unfriend me. lol If your faith is really that weak that you must distance yourself from the abombination that is me, so be it. Enjoy your whitewashed tomb.
I mean no offense to anyone by any of this. It's just some random thoughts about the subject. I mean really, what are you ruled by, fear? Or faith?
Perhaps they were just cleaning out the clutter and I was just an aquaintance and therefore, expendable. Nothing wrong with that. But I know that I am one of those unconventional christians. You will hear a curse word escape from my lips under certain circumstances, I have friends who come from backgrounds that are "other" than Christian or Mennonite. We chat about lots of topics, many of which would be considered taboo in the Christian society that I abide in on a regular basis at school and at church. (Did I mention that I'm also divorced, and have one child out of wedlock? lol)
I would never claim to have everything all worked out when it comes to relationships with people or my relationship with God, but y'know, I feel quite grounded, tyvm. I have the ability to converse and relate to many different kinds of people, from many different walks of life. A mental illness, being a person of homosexual orientation, being divorced (however many times), whatever the culture, race, religion - I don't care about all that. Are you a person, whom I believe is created in the image of the God I serve - YES. Therefore, I shall treat you with the dignity that I feel every image bearer deserves, regardless.
So yes, you will see me out dancing at clubs with my friends. You will see me have a glass of wine with dinner. I will make crass jokes now and then, and I will kiss my boyfriend (even though I don't have a legal document stating I'm divorced). Crossing all your T's and dotting all your I's won't guarantee you a spot at the Lord's table. He's gonna ask you, "Where were you when I was struggling with my sexual identity?" and you will say "Lord, when were YOU of all people, struggling with your sexual identity?" And He will reply, "Surely I say to you, when that gay man needed a friend to talk to, that was ME. For that which you have done to the least of these, surely you have done it to Me." Do you think the Lord is gonna tolerate your excuses about how the bible says that homosexuality is an abombination? Surely a lack of love is a much greater abombination. (You could replace sexual identity with any of the other above mentioned things...)
To those of you who are Christians, and you wonder about me and why, as a Christian, I do the things I do. Here's why. Because Jesus did the same thing. That's not the sole reason, but it's an important one. If anything, being more out there in the world has given me a greater love for it. There are too many Christians that have a distain for the world, because they are scared - scared of being tainted by it. Um, hello, "For God so loved the World..." John 3:16. As a result, many people whose lives I've touched have gotten a taste of Jesus. It happened when a friend and her husband were splitting up. She had the POD out front and I was there to help her load it up. Her hubby came by, and we chatted, the 3 of us. They decided to stay together and work some things out. That's Jesus. I have some single mom friends who have had to go through some serious crap, and I am one of the friends they can go to in confidentiality, to share those burdens. That's Jesus. One of my friends felt safe to share with me that she has a mood disorder. I work at MDAM, so she knows I get it. That's like Jesus, He gets it! I could list SO many more things.
But you know what? It's pretty cool but being "out there" in the world, having friendships with all kinds of different people, it really hasn't thwarted my faith in God at all. In fact, it's strengthened. And I am not afraid of losing my Christianity by being out there either. "Let them be won over without words." I don't preach. I live. I walk. I listen. I'm open. Divine moments happen. It proves to me more and more that this is where I'm meant to be.
So, if you or your faith is bothered by anything you may see me doing or saying (here on facebook or anywhere else), one thing you could do is ask me about it. Or you could unfriend me. lol If your faith is really that weak that you must distance yourself from the abombination that is me, so be it. Enjoy your whitewashed tomb.
I mean no offense to anyone by any of this. It's just some random thoughts about the subject. I mean really, what are you ruled by, fear? Or faith?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
My New Man
Yes, I have a new man. I know I mentioned that I missed the last man whom I allowed into my good graces. I said he was sexy. Erg... I guess he is in some ways, but truthfully, there's nothing sexy about being disrespected.
The man I am currently seeing is so wonderful that he's really more than surpassed anything that I have previously experienced. There's so much that I could say, but I'd hate to bore you with my drivel, hehe. Really, everything that I think and feel for this man is unexplainable. Sufficed to say that he respects me and defends me like none other, and he a is very passionate, strong and intelligent individual. We "get" each other. It's profound...
But if you really wanna hear his heart for me, check out this amazing song that he wrote for me (see below). Any woman recieving a song like this would swoon. When I heard it, it was early in the romantic segment of our relationship (we've been friends for a while). It stopped me in my tracks because I realized that he was in love with me already at that point. It touched my heart, yet scared the crap out of me. But you know, I don't run away from things that scare me anymore, I face them. I wasn't scared of this man, I was scared to fall in love.
Allowing him to love me, and allowing myself to fall in love with him has been a wonderful thing thus far. We have so many things in common, and as we get to know each other more and more, we are able to relax more. It's hard when you've been through a divorce (or 2 in his case) to relax into a relationship. But I think it has alot to do with the ability to be open and honest with each other, so that you can build up trust with each other.
That song is great, isn't it?
The man I am currently seeing is so wonderful that he's really more than surpassed anything that I have previously experienced. There's so much that I could say, but I'd hate to bore you with my drivel, hehe. Really, everything that I think and feel for this man is unexplainable. Sufficed to say that he respects me and defends me like none other, and he a is very passionate, strong and intelligent individual. We "get" each other. It's profound...
But if you really wanna hear his heart for me, check out this amazing song that he wrote for me (see below). Any woman recieving a song like this would swoon. When I heard it, it was early in the romantic segment of our relationship (we've been friends for a while). It stopped me in my tracks because I realized that he was in love with me already at that point. It touched my heart, yet scared the crap out of me. But you know, I don't run away from things that scare me anymore, I face them. I wasn't scared of this man, I was scared to fall in love.
Allowing him to love me, and allowing myself to fall in love with him has been a wonderful thing thus far. We have so many things in common, and as we get to know each other more and more, we are able to relax more. It's hard when you've been through a divorce (or 2 in his case) to relax into a relationship. But I think it has alot to do with the ability to be open and honest with each other, so that you can build up trust with each other.
That song is great, isn't it?
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