Who's Counting?

Women do a lot of unpaid work in this society. Women also do most of the lower wage work. The economy does not recognize this work to really any great degree at all.

The truth is that most work that brings in a dollar value happens because there are predominantly women who are behind the scenes caring for children, doing housework, caring for elderly relatives, cooking, etc, etc. But rarely is a dollar value attributed to this. It's often considered "leisure" time, it's unrecorded, it's considered non-productive.

Marilyn Waring exposes this lack of balance. She is a Feminist Economist. We watched this video in class. Very eye opening!

She suggests that instead of recording dollars, perhaps we should record how time is used. When she charted that, it really shows how men's days are much shorter than women's days when it comes to time use.

If you have ever felt like all the hard work that you do has little or no value as a mom, because no one attaches a dollar value to it, you may want to watch this!

New Blog - and blue hair

Hey y'all out there in BlogLand... I have decided to start a new blog.

This blog was intended to reach out to other single moms, and to be a place where I could talk about trials and triumphs in my life.  Until recently that has been the case.  I have gone for long stints where I haven't said anything, and then I have a blogging spurt.  That's just how it goes, as there are not any rules.  :)

But I find that my ex has kind of ruined that for me.  When I come here to blog, I find that I am either censoring myself, or I am saying things that I hope he will read, good and bad.  That is not the spirit in which this blog was created, and I do not like to operate in such a way.  Even  now, reams of things I could say or euphemisms I could use to describe him are coursing through my mind.  That's not where I want to reside.

Plus life is fucking awesome, and I'd rather talk about that... where I don't have these other things influencing me...

So, if you are a fan, please leave me a message somewhere here.  I'm gonna leave this blog up so y'all get a chance to transfer over to the new blog if you'd like to join me.  It should be a blast!  :D

But before I go, I want to share with you a cool thing.  Colour rub for your hair.

There is a company owned by my cousin called Hair Flairs.  They sell pro-hair-tinsel, hear feathers, and colour rub.  Its awesome stuff.  Unfortunately, I haven't ordered any, ever (I feel bad, cuz my cousin is awesome, and I got to meet her after 35 years in Florida last year, and her business is super successful).  I was telling my hairdresser about her, and this colour rub stuff, and my hairdresser said I could just use eye shadow, or blush to create the same look.  So I tried it out today.  Check me ow-ow-owwwwwt!  LOL

So, you start with clean hair, rub in some hair oil, or leave in conditioner or even a little bit of regular conditioner - the eye shadow has to stick to something.  Then, put the eye shadow tray under a strand of hair, and a finger or thumb on top of the hair strand where the colour is, and then drag it down the hair strand.  Afterwards, spray on a little hair spray to set the colour in, and you're good to go!  :D  

Bowm-chicka wah wow!  

Anyways, don't forget to hit me up with a comment somewhere on my blog if you want to hop over to the new blog when I create it.  We shall party down over der *points with lips*  

Be chill filles et garcons! 

Le le le le le le Bambi

Dr. Phil

I"m not a huge follower of Dr. Phil - because I think most of his show is all common sense. I think its a success because, common sense is not that common. LOL But today I heard him say something that is profound, and yet, it's really common sense. It's not a new idea to me, but just a gentle confirmation...


"Relationships are not 50-50. They are 100-100. If you're both giving 100%, then you have a great chance of success!" :D

I think that is 100% true. I would also add that you need to make your primary relationship your top priority. Everything else is secondary. If that relationship isn't working, and if it's low on the priority list, everything else will go to shit too. If you have a strong team with your significant other, mutual love, respect and admiration, you have a fighting chance! :)

Maybe? Possibly?

I have my fingers crossed. My life could change by the 13th... Things may be settled. That would certainly be nice... For both of us. :)

Random Quotations and some dialog about Pain

People make mistakes sometimes.  Hehe... smart ones only make that mistake once...  *grin*





I think I'm going to make something to hang in my entrance with this saying on it.  It's my ultimate goal always...  :)




Ok, now THIS one just made me laugh...  So simple..  hahahaha






I'm gonna say BOTH... hehehe






Obviously...  hehe





This was a thought provoking statement.  I'd like to think of it as evolving rather than altogether changing.  I changed alot when I was with my ex, to accommodate him and try to be what he wanted me to be.  One can only keep that up for so long before parts of the real you start leaking out.  hehe

I probably changed again when I became a Christian, and felt that influx of new hope and promise.  Then when I separated from my ex, much of the "old" me that was sequestered away started to re-emerge.  My long time best friend told me I sounded so much like the old Bambi again.

But even though that part of me has returned, its there - with a twist.  I have retained some of the fears and anxiety that sometimes comes from being in a long time oppressive relationship.  I face that and deal with it head on, so it doesn't control me.  I guess that makes me brave.  :)

And that experience wasn't all bad, I learned alot about myself, and how strong I really am.  I did a lot of research on communication skills, and caring about other people's feelings and such.  I employed them in the marriage, and they would sometimes work, but ultimately they did not.  However, utilizing new relational skills HAS been great in ALL other areas of my life, so that has been great!  My kids and my boyfriend, and most of my new friends are responsive to that, so that makes me really happy.

It's true that pain does motivate people.  I've seen it time and again, in myself and in others.  So it's not a totally bad thing.  I mean, who wants to have emotional leprosy?  Pain can be a positive thing, alerting you to a problem, that something is wrong, that something needs to be addressed or changed.

So, I'd say that I've evolved.  I try to keep being ME, and not always trying to kiss other people's ass by changing myself to suit them.  If I don't suit them, then we shouldn't be friends.  Secondly, I try to learn from my mistakes, and other's mistakes.  To keep doing the same old shit just makes you look stupid and unteachable.  LOL

Third, I'd like to think that I take that original essence of me, combine it with life experience, throw in some painful events, mix in some courage, and frost it with love and respect for those who are in my inner circle, and sprinkle it with creativity.  Sounds like a great recipe to me!  :D

Read em their rights...

Dear Ex-Husband

There you go... I have altered and/or removed the content of the "Dear Ex-Husband" blogs.  Go check...

It was not my intention that you would find the blogs - hence your name wasn't ON it anywhere.  It was not intended for the kids to see the content (and they haven't) - hence THEIR names won't be found here either.

The fact is that I've spent years of trying to make the best of our broken relationship.  For example, I've invited you to come in and have brunch with us on Christmas day and you have refused.  Hey, I get that it's not "comfy" for you, but if you only do "comfy" things, you miss out on lots of great opportunities.  We will always be a family because we have kids.  And I don't expect us to be best friends.  But I've always believed that if I tried hard enough, I could find a way to make things work with other people.  And for the most part that is true.  I do know how to do that, with pretty much everyone but you.  It just feels like you won't let me.  Think about it - Christmas morning - kids are excited about their gifts, you show up, come in, sit down, the kids blah blah about all their stuff.  We eat a light meal together.  Then you and the kids are full of food, perfect for your long trip out to the farm.  The kids see us being nice to each other, which conveys that we love THEM so much that we are willing to step out of our comfort zones in order to give them that experience.  But you said NO.

I sent you pics of our daughter's Halloween costume.  You never thanked me.  You didn't even comment.

Just a couple of examples.

So, after 4 years of trying to be friendly with you and to co parent with you, I got angry.  I felt hurt.  I gave up.  But, I know from being a child of divorce myself that I cannot express that with the kids.  I used this blog to lash out in a way that I felt wouldn't hurt anyone.

Getting along with all kinds of people is my specialty.  I can fit into almost any group of people.  I can do classy schmoozing, I can hang with the homeless, I have friends from Africa, and from First Nations communities up north.  I have mentally stable friends, and friends with Mood Disorders (OCD, DID, Schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, etc).  In my friend pool, I'm the one that people come to when they are experiencing a crisis, I'm the one they recommend to our other friends to talk to when they are feeling down.  People laugh at my jokes, and find me a valuable asset on their team.  I've had so many experiences in the last 5 years that tell me that I do have the ability to be flexible in the interest of the greater good.

But my experience with you has taught me that not everyone is flexible, and not everyone is interested in getting along with me.

So I went through a phase of finally allowing myself to be angry, and to hate you a little.  It was healthy, it helped me accept the way you feel about me,and the way you treat me.  You don't like me at all.  Ok.  You'll never try to be any kind of friend or friendly.  Ok.  I accept.

Since the end of summer, I have let all of that go.  Sure, sometimes things still get to me, but then I just tell myself "fuck it" and push it away because I've learned that spending time worrying about it doesn't change anything.  I don't try to smooth things with the kids regarding you.  If things come up, I listen, and maybe ask them how they feel about it, then suggest that they should tell YOU how they feel.  I think I wanted so badly for them to have a good relationship with you because I don't have one with my father, so I probably tried too hard to smooth things when there was friction.  But I'm not doing that now.  I'm not trying to be your friend in any capacity.  I've reduced contact with you to almost nil.  No contact, no conflict.

I realize now that I had misplaced optimism about all that.

So go on with your life, I'm going on with mine.  I wish you well.