Random Quotations and some dialog about Pain

People make mistakes sometimes.  Hehe... smart ones only make that mistake once...  *grin*





I think I'm going to make something to hang in my entrance with this saying on it.  It's my ultimate goal always...  :)




Ok, now THIS one just made me laugh...  So simple..  hahahaha






I'm gonna say BOTH... hehehe






Obviously...  hehe





This was a thought provoking statement.  I'd like to think of it as evolving rather than altogether changing.  I changed alot when I was with my ex, to accommodate him and try to be what he wanted me to be.  One can only keep that up for so long before parts of the real you start leaking out.  hehe

I probably changed again when I became a Christian, and felt that influx of new hope and promise.  Then when I separated from my ex, much of the "old" me that was sequestered away started to re-emerge.  My long time best friend told me I sounded so much like the old Bambi again.

But even though that part of me has returned, its there - with a twist.  I have retained some of the fears and anxiety that sometimes comes from being in a long time oppressive relationship.  I face that and deal with it head on, so it doesn't control me.  I guess that makes me brave.  :)

And that experience wasn't all bad, I learned alot about myself, and how strong I really am.  I did a lot of research on communication skills, and caring about other people's feelings and such.  I employed them in the marriage, and they would sometimes work, but ultimately they did not.  However, utilizing new relational skills HAS been great in ALL other areas of my life, so that has been great!  My kids and my boyfriend, and most of my new friends are responsive to that, so that makes me really happy.

It's true that pain does motivate people.  I've seen it time and again, in myself and in others.  So it's not a totally bad thing.  I mean, who wants to have emotional leprosy?  Pain can be a positive thing, alerting you to a problem, that something is wrong, that something needs to be addressed or changed.

So, I'd say that I've evolved.  I try to keep being ME, and not always trying to kiss other people's ass by changing myself to suit them.  If I don't suit them, then we shouldn't be friends.  Secondly, I try to learn from my mistakes, and other's mistakes.  To keep doing the same old shit just makes you look stupid and unteachable.  LOL

Third, I'd like to think that I take that original essence of me, combine it with life experience, throw in some painful events, mix in some courage, and frost it with love and respect for those who are in my inner circle, and sprinkle it with creativity.  Sounds like a great recipe to me!  :D

Life

Life is so fragile. We take it for granted everyday.

People are fragile too - physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally... please handle with care...

Someone I know lost their daughter yesterday. Here is the blog about her: http://rachelamariah.blogspot.com/

I think there are so many people who are afraid to feel. Feeling means that not only do you get to feel the good stuff, but you also have to feel the bad. If I've learned anything in the past 10 years, it's to not run from suffering. Well, I still do sometimes, but less than I used to.

Keith was bugging me about being so jumpy during movies. LOL The truth is that there was a time when I NEVER jumped. I only got more jumpy AFTER I worked through the memories of abuse from my childhood. That abuse was so severe and traumatic, and the threats so strong to never tell, that I was shut down in many ways inside. Delving into those memories, horrific as they were, unlocked so many of these areas, allowing me to feel all of that pain again. But seeing and feeling the truth of what happened there also unlocked my ability to feel things in the present too! And that intense pain was allowed to seep out so that the infected wound could heal for real. I think that getting startled is a natural reflex that I now have back again. Even if I get lovingly teased about it, I'm glad it's there, because that's just one of many things that I can now feel - including to love and feel loved on a much deeper level.

It's because of this appreciation of being able to feel that I admire the choice made by the couple in the above mentioned post. They learned early on that their daughter had medical problems, at the 20 week ultrasound. They were strongly advised to abort her. Even knowing that this would be a very painful journey, They wanted her, and they wouldn't allow any person to make the decision about their child's life path. They left that up to God and walked that path step by step, never knowing if that day would be their last with her. She surprisingly survived the birth, and lived for nearly 15 months. I don't think that they would exchange that time with her, and those experiences with her in order to alleviate the pain they are feeling today.

I've learned that deeply loving always comes with deep pain. I don't want to give up experiencing love, and so I accept and embrace the risk of feeling the pain too. Pain won't kill you (even if it feels like it might). It's just a part of the human experience. You can try and avoid it, but then you'll have to be alone, and that's painful too.

Video Blog - Book Review Chapter Three - Breakup Book

Video Blog - Book Review Chapter One - Breakup Book

I just realized that tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. My ex-husband and I were married May 17th, 1997. Wow... 13 years? sheesh... I felt wonky here and there today and I thought it was exbf stuff, and it probably is to a degree, but I think that anniversary dates can add old pain onto already existing, current pain...

I am so sleepy! I used to be such a night owl, and then I'd sleep in... but here I am, out of college for the summer, and I'm STILL waking up most days at 6:30 am!!! ugg.. As soon as this video is done being processed, I am hitting the sack, man. I got alot of gardening to do tomorrow! :D

Oh... speaking of gardening, my daughter wants to turn her old sandbox into a veggie garden! I picked up a new wheelbarrow today, so then I can have some soil delivered and can haul it around the yard to where it needs to go. It should be such fun. :D