Perspective

I remember in the aftermath of the marital separation, I briefly dated a guy that I knew in high school.  He didn't go to MY school, but I had met him during that time.  My ex would come over and pick up the kids for the weekend.  They way he would look at me, with distaste, with venom in his brief gaze, left me feeling eerily dirty, disgusting, and ugly.  Then about 20 or 30 minutes later, the guy I was seeing would show up, with a great big smile, drawing in his breath in what appeared to be amazement, and say, "Wow, you look SO beautiful!" and I'd feel like a million bucks!

That taught me a lot!  For lots of reasons, it didn't work out with the guy, but I learned something very valuable in that moment.  I learned that I was WAY too emotionally dependent upon how OTHER people see me.  I couldn't believe the contrast of how different I felt, when NOTHING else had changed inbetween.  I realized that I needed to value myself more than I did.  I mean, I had already done a LOT of work in that area, thus separating myself from people (aka the hubby) who didn't value me, and indeed attempted to de-value me.  And yet, here I was still depending on other's opinion of me.

Currently, I would say that I've come a long way, and I still have a way to go.  It still sometimes matters what people think, but mostly I just choose to not give a fuck.  I've got better things to do than waste my heart on that sort of thing.  :)