An end to the old guilt

I'm getting a headache... and I'm out of meds for it.  I hope I don't fall deep into a full blown migraine...

But there is something that comes up pretty often for me, and has come up several times today.  Well, mostly its just how awesome my boyfriend is, although he probably wouldn't classify it as being overly awesome, just being "normal".

There were a few times when I was being "lazy" (relaxing, lounging, enjoying downtime).  When my honey walked into the room, I'd have a moment of panic.  Not full blown panic, but just that anxious feeling of, "oh shit, I better get up and do something so he doesn't get mad at me."  But then he walks over and gives me a kiss, or asks me if I want more coffee, or sits with me.  When I put dishes in the dishwasher, he said, "Oh, I was gonna do that honey." When in the past I had grown used to feeling like the person I was with was thinking, "Finally, that lazy woman is doing something."

Right now, he is making supper.  He enjoys cooking, and he doesn't make me feel shitty because he is "doing my job"...

Yesterday, I felt guilty because I was SO tired from the migraine, and the meds, I slept most of the day away.  I said, sorry I'm so sleepy, but he stopped me, and told me not to worry, just rest if I need it.  :)  I never had the luxury of guilt free resting when I felt that way when I was married.

It's such a contrast.

I guess I still have some inner adjusting to do.  You think you're over it, and then your life changes, and it reveals things that are still broken inside and in need of healing.  It's probably the same for my honey too sometimes.

But it's just a really good feeling to be with someone like that.  :)